"A happy childhood...is the worst possible preparation for life"

 

I remember laughing when everyone else was crying.

 

I remember when Karl Malone went to the Lakers. I remember swearing at Megaman. I remember the time I didn't have any clean underwear so I had to wear my sisters. I remember getting called to the principals office. I remember the time I left a bunch of chocolates on my bed and then I fell asleep watching a movie and my sister laid me on my bed without turning the lights on. I remember waking up thinking I pooped the bed and wondering how it got on my face.

 

I remember wanting to be one of the cousins. I remember Mrs. Cook. I remember thinking Mrs. Cook was hot, I was in the third grade. I remember when school was fun. I remember when my best friend Austin moved to Texas. I remember that he didn't move to Austin, Texas.

 

I remember spankings. I remember the daisy dukes. I remember:

"Do you ever feel like really not talking to someone?"

"Yeah, all the time"

"That's how I feel right now"

I remember the feeling. And the silence. I remember leaving in the middle of the night.

 

I remember Sam. I remember how cold his house was. And the thermostat was at 75.

 

I remember making the promise with my brother to be best buds forever and our secret handshake. I don't think he remembers. I remember the first holiday that wasn't as fun as it used to be. I remember the feeling after lying. I remember becoming desensitized to that feeling.

 

I remember being funny. And I remember being able to dance.

 

I remember not peeing in a toilet for two weeks to prove I wasn't the one peeing on the toilet seat. I remember the McCombers telling me to stop peeing in their yard.

 

I remember her last breath. I remember the lipstick they put on her for the viewing, it wasn't her color.

 

I remember trying to fulfill the expectations. I remember trying to be as good.

 

"I was hoping to be happy by seventeen"