The Case for Pluto

 

 

 

A list of things that matter but I can't figure out why:

That my bishop uses things like 'c' and 'u' when texting instead of 'see and 'you'. And that he likes New Order.

That the shade of lipstick they put on my mother's dead body for people to come look at bothers me more than any sin my dad has ever committed.

That my funeral better not be open casket.

That time I swore because I thought I was funny.

The fact that I use women's deodorant because the other stuff irritates my armpits.

That we use a fake Christmas tree.

That children are happier than most adults.

You.

Her.

Poetry. (like "love and beauty and truth")

That my step-dad was a redhead.

Moustaches.

Making people laugh.(I use to think that the solution to every problem in the entire universe was laughter, but then I realized I wasn't funny enough)

That I used to be able to dance.

That I can only drink milk when it's really cold.

Why I like the word fickle so much.

That I was in the room when my niece took her first steps.

The 'i' before 'e' rule.

Pluto.

That you probably won't take the time to read this whole thing.

Dick Tidrow.

That I just really want to share a carton of eggnog with you and I don't even like eggnog that much.

That I've never kissed anyone.

I weighed more when I was seventeen.

That this isn't for you, it's for me.

Bazooka bubblegum.

That I'll never be James Bond.